“My art is the way I reestablish the bonds that tie me to the universe.”
– Ana Mendieta
All cameras and mobile phones were focusing on him. He was watching back. He stretched his wings and turned, flipping them through the air. He is going to fly for the first time after a long-incarcerated life in a zoo. He is spreading his wings and testing them, a poor being, I thought.
Even he is distrusting his power, the power of his wings. How can he, while he hasn’t used them for a while?! Maybe never? I am crying. I felt all that life has brought to me at this moment as if I was him at that rock, looking into the abyss, forest, sky, thinking if maybe my cell was better than this huge freedom. It flashed back all the cells I had been in and all the wings I was growing and was stretching until I was ready to jump into the wind.
I am crying while watching him and a feeling of all what is, all who are, emerged; all of us who are alike this condor except many shall never jump because of their doubts and insecurities. Because their wings were atrophied.
Photo: Ivana Filip, 2021
He lowered his wings as if he is going to quit. He turned again toward people as if saying – take me home, take me from here, I am afraid, I do not know this. I hope not, I thought, hope not…. ah, no…. I am refusing to check the duration of the video because I am calculating the outcome. Maybe they wouldn’t have recorded it if he hadn’t flown. I don’t want to be disappointed; I want a happy ending for him, I want today only happy news, I am not ready to digest another sad end. There are too many of those, too much sadness and sorrow, too much in a day, wherever you look you are tempted to find one, ….so I have to exercise sharpening my teeth for a piece of good news, good only! Toughen up!
I want him to fly! Fly little one, flyyyyyyyyyyy! I want to help you and fly with you, I wish I was you now, I need this flight now!
He gathered his wings and turned toward people. He is watching them, observing, turning around, wings up, wings down, like he is showing off.
Look at me now! Look at these beautiful muscles, look how strong they are!
Look at me now! And I am doubting. Are you doubting?
You brought me over here and whom of you can be certain that I do want to be here? Who can say that they know? Do you know my fear; I am not from here, I am from the cage.
And he jumped and sledged into the fresh air covering the green mountain of trees…
Three condors are dancing in the clouds….
I am breathing in. Like I haven’t tasted air for the past ten minutes.
Nonhuman animals are just as we human animals wish to become.
Love and thanks,