I wrote “Olgica aka Why do you take it so personal?” short story in 2015 while studying fine arts at the Gerrit Rietveld Academie where I enjoyed my second studies and my second youth. I found myself lucky to get accepted to study there as I was, even in my 30ies, so hungry to start developing my still undeveloped artistic embryo. Oh, gooood old times!
I was working as a housekeeper for Jakov, whose yard was home for five little chickens. This story is about one of them. I told this story to my teacher Hans Muller whose keen ear, patient soul and rich experience lead me to write it down. And so, I did and later transformed it into a video performance with the great help of my teachers Ben Geraerts, Martin Grootenboer and Rick Haring. Thank you, dear Ben, Hans, Martin and Rick! And thanks to my mama cat lady Nicolina Eklund for recognising my quirkiness for feathers!
And the story goes…
Olgica aka Why do you take it so personal?
There were five of them when I left,
When I left
When I left
It was one of them, when I came
When I came
When I came
HE KILLED THEM ALL!
I returned from vacation and we were all happy to see each other again. You never know.
I noticed though, there was only one little white one in the backyard. Usually, all five of them would come to greet me through the kitchen glass doors. They went sick so they died, he said. An instant flesh straight into the head; it felt like I’d vomit and pass out in the same moment!!!
No, they were not sick, but he did not feed them!!!
Yes, sometimes he would forget to do things and I guess after their food container was empty, he just forgot. But it was me who felt guilty, as I could have assumed it. I took the full weight of that act; I hid myself in the kitchen, pretending I was cleaning, but my throat was overflowed with tears, not allowing even one sound to skip out. And I stood there…it lasted, the full power of the sensation, and I wanted it to last longer…
My friend should have worked in Jakov’s house while I was away in Croatia for four weeks. But she didn’t, so things happened. First, she was to take care of my cats too but then she didn’t get back to me at all. Then we arranged it but I was in high anxiety for two days.
Jakov is still recovering from cancer treatment but it seems it influences his memory every day much more so he needs help in the house.
Not everything that goes wrong is your fault! said Jakov to me. I clean Jakov’s house for two years now. He used to be a psychoanalyst.
No, it is not, I know that off course, but this was, I felt. I should have known it as I consider myself a vegan person, with a deep care of all animal beings, and I failed in this simple everyday challenge.
And I cried the whole day, cycling back home. And I couldn’t stop and I felt it is yet to come again…
Since then, I take care of the little white one, little chicken. She modestly accepted the name I gifted her, Olgica. I feed her, she eats from my hand. I wanted to get closer to her.
How do we get closer to each other? Is it just through decreasing of the physical space? One of the most usual ways is for sure. But I invented a new way – a new for myself.
Olgica laid eggs and I got attracted to the idea that her flesh can become a part of my own, though in my body solely and not vice versa. Or I could feed her with my flesh?
Then,…, I ate her eggs just for that one time..I re-established my choices..
Love and thanks,