There is intelligence when you are not afraid.
– Bruce Lee
I am not motivated to write right now though I love it and usually dedicate time to the writing.
BUT I AM ENTHUSIASTIC!
Sunday it is. Then, the weekend comes. I love waking up on Saturday morning with the thought that day is reserved for rest, relaxation and no computer time. But Sunday is different. Since I was a child and a pupil, I disliked Sundays except during vacation times. That was a happy time. During school time, Sunday was a day to get oneself together, prepare for the week and study. After the Sunday lunch with mama, papa, brother, my granny and grandpa, when we are all relaxed and watching sports or films on tv, I had to get my body heavy from the rich lunch, up against all the gravity even stronger due to the voluptuous amount of delicious food in my belly, up and accelerating. That is some strong physics in charge! Thanks to strong will and a heavy dose of fear, I did it for years. We all do! Otherwise, who would go to school??? It was a well-thought combination of a fear of bad mark and restrictions so well designed by parents! But due to that fear, I did develop a sense of responsibility which of course, now I define in other terms.
I do not feel being responsible for other opinions. I feel responsible for aligning with my mind-body-emotional-spiritual body and getting it to sing. I am responsible for being afraid and feeling anger, but I do not fear, neither I feel guilty for feeling those.
I feel responsible for my three cats whom we bring up in our home and for allowing them to develop into beautiful beings.
I feel we are beings of mission. If that mission used to scare me off my track, now it does not. It can make you feel insecure, it can hurt your ego, it will hurt your ego, it will try to hurt your soul but a soul cannot be hurt by ego, it will try to destroy your imagination and your wishes, it will talk to your ears softly and sing lullabies of failure like it is the sweetest taboo, but it will in the end, only hurt your ego, which brings it to the point and us at the beginning.
Isn’t it nice to have the chance to start over again and again every morning that has been given to you?
Every day counts!
Photo: Ivana Filip, 2021
Stories by other human beings about other human and nonhuman animals and nonhuman beings, like plants or trees, make me go outside and scream – do not be afraid little one, you have the power, and you always had!!!
It is in your bones, it is in your body, it is you. It is just you get a bit forgetful and dismayed but it is still there.
I feel we are all afraid, of something and I love to exercise on that ego trippy thought and chew it a bit to see who is hiding behind. Artistic creation helps in the sense that as an artist one is afraid of not getting famous or not having the moment to showcase the work. It is a constant fear but not the most important in the artist life. Haha, of course, you will not get famous, only rare of us do and check the statistics, you are not in those, I said to myself. Just the trend in the arts is not really on my side. But I don’t want to get famous either. What does that mean? Famous of what?
All fears can sum up to the one we are all afraid to talk about – the big D, death. So, here is a little EXERCISE OF ASKING QUESTIONS UNTIL THE END to test your fears. It is easy and simple. It can become one of the tools from your life toolbox, how I call it. When the situation overwhelms me, I reach into my toolbox and keep on trying. Eventually, something works!
For example, when I moved back to Croatia, my artistic practice started shifting. I was afraid of losing the line and getting lost. I was afraid that I will get stuck in the mannerism of same media, technique or subject. Or boring or same, or too different, or not different at all, and so on. I was afraid that I will not find it and I will quit my artistic practice. I said one day ok. Enough!
What if that happens, what happens then?
a) What if I stop exhibiting my work, what do I do?
b) I will stop and do something else.
a) No, no, but I do not want to stop, I want to keep on producing.
b) Well, what if you can not? What if you get stuck in some job and you don’t have time or money?
a) I will find it?
b) But what if you cannot?
a) I will find a way.
b) What way?
a) Any way. I will work and support my practice?
b) But I don’t want that. I do not want to work other jobs. I do not want to stop creating art.
a) Then stop! Then do not.
b) No, I do not want to stop.
a) Then what is your option?
b) There are always options. Stop!!!
If what you are already doing makes you miserable, then you need to stop doing it or doing it in such a way that makes you miserable. Find a new way of doing or find a new.
There are always options and sometimes you will try to sell bullshit to yourself but eventually, as you refuse to buy it, it will surrender and get cleared up. But only if you sustain being honest with yourself and keep yourself enthusiastic, not motivated. Motivation is like drinking five red bulls and convincing yourself it is justifiable to get poison into your body only to drive it to its final goal. No, it is not but everyone has their way. There is no right or wrong but doing wrong cannot be right only if there is a certain ‘behind the scenes that we cannot yet comprehend.
Motivation is like bodybuilding though once you stop exercising 10 hours per day, you end up like a deflated balloon, all saggy and sad. So, you keep on pushing, ha-ha! OK, sport is good for you but it is about the road, not about the final goal, about the process of getting your body in shape with care and respect.
Such is enthusiasm. It is a mixture of mercy and a discipline. It is a combo of soft and strong, vulnerability and stamina, will and sympathy, for researching that subject, theme, experience, in alignment with your Self, inner being, which means, if it is too abstract, with your mind-body-soul good feeling. Feeling good!
As Bruce Lee kept on practising of being like a water, I wonder how did he keep his enthusiasm alive and healthy? For more inspiration read his book Bruce Lee: artist of life.
Follow your curiosity, to create, share, learn, laugh and let go.
Love and thanks,